Feeling ‘Not Good Enough’? How Women of All Ages Can Overcome Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Low Self-Esteem
- Heather Hill
- 5 days ago
- 3 min read
You’re Not Alone
Let’s be honest, at some point, most of us have felt like we’re just… not enough. Maybe it’s when scrolling through social media, seeing friends or strangers who seem happier, thinner, or more accomplished. Or maybe it’s that little voice in your head whispering, “You should be doing more. You should be better.”
Here’s the truth: you’re not broken. You’re not failing. Almost 80% of the women I work with carry this belief in some form. And the really good news? Recognizing it and learning to be compassionate with yourself can ease anxiety, self-doubt, and low self-esteem and help you feel more at home in your own life.
Where This Feeling Comes From
Sometimes the origins are clear: parents, teachers, or mentors with sky-high expectations. Sometimes it’s more subtle: the constant comparison trap of social media or internalized perfectionism.
How people respond can vary:
Some go all-in, overachieving at school, work, or in relationships, staying up late, skipping self-care, and still feeling haunted by that old “not enough” story.
Others feel crushed by the weight of that belief, assuming nothing they do will ever be good enough, and stop trying altogether.
Both reactions are completely valid. Feeling this way doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means you’re human.
Defining Your Own ‘Enough’
Here’s a little secret: “enough” isn’t decided by anyone else. Not by parents, teachers, peers, or social media influencers. It’s decided by you.
Ask yourself:
What would it look like for me to feel “enough”?
What do I really value in my life?
What are three things I did this week that make me feel capable or proud?
The moment you stop measuring your life by someone else’s standards and start following your own values, things begin to feel a lot lighter. Even small steps, like noticing moments when you are enough, can start to change the story you tell yourself.
Recognizing the Times You Are Enough
Here’s the paradox: you probably already have moments of feeling capable, worthy, and confident. The trick is noticing them.
Try keeping a small “enoughness” log. Jot down when you feel proud, competent, or capable. Over time, you’ll start to notice that those “not enough” moments are temporary and situational, not a permanent truth. Recognizing these positives helps counteract the brain’s natural negativity bias, which tends to focus more on mistakes and failures.
Therapy Tools That Can Help
Sometimes, we all need a little guidance. Techniques from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) can help you challenge distorted thoughts and calm your anxiety.
Certain beliefs and feelings can feel stuck for years. With your therapist guiding EMDR, bilateral stimulation taps into your brain’s adaptive information system to help process these beliefs and create room for more supportive, self-kind thoughts. Here’s how it works:
Identify the negative belief, often “I’m not good enough.”
Explore what adaptive belief you’d like to hold instead. For example: “I can learn that I’m good enough.”
Through gentle bilateral stimulation, eye movements or tapping, the brain processes these beliefs and emotions, reducing the power of the negative story you’ve been carrying.
Think of EMDR as a way to gradually dismantle that internal critic and make room for more realistic, compassionate self-beliefs.
Practical Daily Strategies
Journal your wins: Note even small accomplishments, like finishing a task, sending a tough email, or making a kind choice.
Pause and notice thoughts: Observe them without judgment.
Check in with your values: Are your daily actions reflecting what truly matters to you?
Celebrate progress, not perfection: Feeling “enough” is a journey, not a destination.
Small, consistent steps like these help reinforce that you are capable, worthy, and enough, just as you are.
Moving Toward Feeling Good Enough
Feeling “not good enough” is a story many women carry across different life stages. But it doesn’t have to define you. By noticing your wins, aligning with your values, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support when needed, you can start to believe what you’ve always wanted to: you are enough.
You don’t have to do this alone. Whether you’re a teen, in your twenties, or well into adulthood, feeling at home in your life is possible.
You deserve to feel enough just as you are. If you’d like support noticing your strengths, quieting self-doubt, and feeling more at home in your life, I’m here to help.
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